Fear. Faith. Choice.

  Since morning, my sister has been talking a lot about  understanding  things. I was puzzled why she would take so much effort, take a flight from another state during these pandemic times with the sole purpose of seeing me. Well, of course, she loves me. Love, of course. For a very long time, I had imagined love is the driving force for everything in this world. So yes, love...of course. She said she needs clarity to find her own path. She said I am the most  lost  person she has ever known. She said it is an irony that she comes to the most  lost  person to find answers concerning clarity and paths, but it is true. She said it is mostly about  understanding . Based on  understanding,  she spoke of stability, of long-term, of certainty, of knowledge, of spirituality, of calmness. Upon such a whirlwind of words, she seemed to be building castles of salvation. This time I did not just speak. I listened to myself as I uttered many words o...

(Moods before the Interview and the Call: Times of anxieties and job hunt scenarios.) The fear of a job that is meaningless to me -  The fear of dollar signs  My room filled with bunch of stuff I don't need. The fear that they may murder my inner romantic -  my soul with eyes of a lover - The fear of feeling stuck  Suffocated, Choked, Dead.  The FEAR of the clock  Tick-tok tick-tok tick-tok - sssshhhh Please let me sleep in peace!  The FEAR of the boxes Cannot keep looking at those boxed buildings Little people in boxes  Doing what they are told  By mysterious powerful forces that all of us hate  But we do what we are told.  The boxes, the order, the system -  Please break them all, make LIFE flow -  Time is not a container Please break the barriers, cross the lines, feel the flow.  And then what? - THE OTHER FEAR NOW Survival.  Dad is retired.  I must be able to earn for myself. I am more than old enough to...